I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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