shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
