I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize