Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
