I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
