Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
