garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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