There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
