I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
