no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
