dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
