I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
