you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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