Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
