I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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