THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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