You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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