oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
