Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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