My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
