Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
