yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish I only lived at night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
