remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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