There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
