I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
