You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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