So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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