forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
