We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
