new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
