Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
