Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
