By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
