I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
