They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
