I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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