Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
