I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't deserve a penis
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
