I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
