I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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