I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
