Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
