SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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