i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
