he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
