Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
