Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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