Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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