I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
