if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
