well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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