just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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