When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
