I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
