he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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