I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
