you have to choose: penises or morals?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
