No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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