yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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