I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
