im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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