Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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