it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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