I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
