Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize