"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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