oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
