There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
