I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize