we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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