i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
