I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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