Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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