Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
