How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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