I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
