no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
