Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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