I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
