i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
