That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
