saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
