the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
