I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
