dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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