he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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