Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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