found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
