Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize