Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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