Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
